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The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While
they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their
son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as
good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'
"Doctor, Doctor I feel like a goat".
"How long have you felt like that"?
***** "Since I was a kid".
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
*****Billy Jean King
Why did the ram run over the cliff?
*****He didn't see the ewe turn.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
*****Because they're always butting in.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
What do you call a goat's beard?
What do you call an outlaw goat?
*****Billy the kid.
What is a Doe Goat's favorite Television show?
What do you call a goat that lip syncs?
How do you keep a goat from charging?
****You take his credit card away!
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a goat??
*****You get a hare in your milk!
Why is it hard to have a conversation with a goat??
*****Because the goat always butts in!
What do you call an unemployed goat?
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
What do you call the best 'butter' on the farm?
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the
second hole when he notices a billy goat standing next to the green. He
thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Baahh. 9
Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. " Baahh. 9 Iron."
He looks at the billy goat and decides to prove him wrong, puts his
other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the
cup. He is shocked.
He says to the billy goat, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky
goat, eh?" The billy goat reply's " Baahh. Lucky goat."
The man decides to take the billy goat with him to the next hole. "What
do you think goat?" the man asks. " Baahh. 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled
and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life and asks the billy goat, "OK where to
next?" The billy goat reply, " Baahh. Las Vegas."
So, they go to "Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK goat, now what?" The
billy goat says, " Baahh. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette
table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The billy goat
replies, " Baahh. $3000,black 6."
Now, this is a million to one shot to win, but after the golf game, the
man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. Once in
the hotel room the man says "Goat, I don't know how to repay you. You've
won me all this money and I am forever grateful." "Just name it and it
is yours." The billy goat replies, " Baaah, Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the goat did for him, he deserves
it. With a kiss, the billy goat turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
".... And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big, black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. Nothing.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in. They listened for some time and....nothing.
Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it. One man spotted a big log nearby. They picked it up, grunting and groaning, and threw it to the hole, listening intently......nothing.
All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were astounded.
They walked on through the woods, and a little later met an old farmer who asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods, and run and leap into the big hole. He asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "Naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a big log."
Little Johnny's goat was hit by a car, and unfortunately, died. Mom and dad tried their best to console their young son. "You know, Johnny, it's not your fault the goat died, it was just fate."
But Little Johnny would have none of it.
So, in a last gasp attempt, Little Johnny's dad said, "He's probably up in Heaven right now with God. He'll be happy there, so you don't have to feel bad anymore."
Little Johnny asked, "What would God want with a dead goat?"
A rancher named Clyde had a car accident.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite goat, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question? Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road... "
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite goat, Bessie."
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite goat, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said 'How are you feeling?'
"Now what the hell would you say?"
Two brothers, John and Richard lived in the same town. John with his 12 year old goat, Richard with their 88 year old Mother. John's whole life was his goat. He never went anywhere without her. One day he was faced with a terrible decision. He had to go to England on business for his company and he could not take the goat into England with having to quarantine her for 14 days. He wouldn't do that so he was faced with either losing his job or leaving his goat.
Finally he decided to trust his brother with the goat for the week he would be gone. He gave Richard detailed instructions, schedules, food, etc. Finally he flew to London and called Richard every few hours to make sure Gracie the goat was ok. Four days of this went by and John was really getting to be a pain in the neck.
On the fifth day when he called John asked Richard how Gracie was and Richard told him. "Gracie is dead!" Well as you can imagine, John nearly had a heart attack.
When he recovered he said to Richard, "That was the most cruel thing I ever heard. You know how much I loved that goat, why couldn't you have broken it to me gently. You know like when I called say something like, well she's OK but she is up on the roof. And then when I called the next time, tell me oh, bad news, she fell off the roof and she's at the vets. And then the next time break the news that she passed away. At least I would have been a little prepared for the bad news."
"Yes, you are right John. I am sorry for being so heartless."
John accepted Richard's apology for being so uncaring, and then said, "Oh, by the way, how's Mother?"
Richard then said, "Well, John, she's OK, but she's on the roof!"
Barry and Ray are headed home after a big night on the town when Barry accidentally hits a buck goat. Ray being the animal lover he is jumps out of the car and gives the goat artificial respiration and revives him. Ray says to Barry he's going to be fine but it's cold so we'll have to put him in the car to keep him warm. Barry yells "What about the terrible stinking smell in my car?" Ray says "That's OK we'll hold the buck's nose!"